Well, I have passed my official due date. Ella died almost 2 months ago, and we are surviving. Some days are great, or at least bearable. We found out that Brandon's Doctor knew what he was doing with Brandon's vasectomy. We are coming to terms with the fact that we are done with our family. My goal is to go through all the baby stuff this weekend, and do a huge DI run. I have talked to a couple of people who want some of our bigger stuff. But, I am ready to be done with baby stuff.

I talked to my therapist (yes, I am in therapy) the day after we got the results from Brandon's "sample". I told her I was so angry and sad that I just wanted to destroy the crib. Just take a hammer to it. Her advice was to do it. But I told her that I can't, because it is in good shape, and someone could use it. Then, she laughed at me. My therapist actually laughed at me. I just can't destroy it because I know it could help someone else. She said that shows a lot about who I am.

I want to feel normal again, and with the prayers and love of family and friends, i am getting there. I actually went and saw the baby of my friend in our ward who was due 2 days apart from me. I didn't stay long, and she offered, but I didn't hold her beautiful daughter...but I went!

Anyway, just an update from the White house. We are hanging in there, but please keep praying for us, and emailing and calling. We know we are loved, but right now, every little reminder helps!!!

A picture of our family from the funeral. Thanks Chan!